Who I am (Part 2) - The Insecurity

I've been wanting to write about this for a while.

In the first part, I've previously mentioned about me being Insecure. I believe technically everybody is insecure. I guess my insecurity is kind of a different nature compared to most definition of insecurity.

Insecurity - 2. the quality or state of being insecure;

Yes, I am insecure, it's because I am not believing enough in a Big God.

There is so many things happening around me. I've partaken on a journey that is so highly risky, at times I feel its a fools dream. I don't know what spurred me on to continue here in Australia. And to be honest, it seems like more doors are closing on me the further I go in this journey. It is so incredibly distressing to know that the odds are going against me every passing week and month.

I have never grown as much as I had in this 2008. Both spiritually, mentally, and just my outlook on life. Needing to continually revisit the life lessons previously again and again, suffering with some level of depression every time I look out at the circumstance of life.

It's incredibly hard to take on the challenges ahead of me, and then at the same time, take a step a day at a time. I guess like most people, we always love our comforts. The stability that knowing tomorrow will just be another day like previously before. It makes me wonder what goes through the minds of people in starving areas of Africa. The worry and distressing thoughts continually plaguing their mind. It almost seem and probably is demonic in essence. Fear.

Its in these moments, Matthew 6:25-31 needs to be continually refreshed in my life. To not worry about life, nor tomorrow, but seek His Righteousness and His Kingdom dominion over my life.

One of the most blessed things I have in my life is my friends and family. How they are so incredibly supportive of me throughout the dark seasons. And I thank God continually for giving me them, as the prized possessions of my life. Brothers and sisters.

I just want to remember a few people. Firstly my sister. To sacrificially support me through thick and thin when things are just tight. My uncle, who has kept my hopes and dreams alive. Daniel boss, who has been my glimmer of hope, that God has purposed for me greater things in store. Weng Wah, for reminding me again to live the words that I preach again and again, who he thinks me as His Hero, but actually its more the other way around especially the hell he has endured and gotten this far. Then there is also Bernie, her childlike faith knowing that Papa God is always there for her and learning to Praise Him for the simple things.

Then there is Bill Johnson, the teachings and words being stored up in me before learning its application. I feel that I've never been so prepared for a moment in time like this. And Russell Evans, for the recharge and grace imparted from the pulpit.

Its moments like these, I am reminded again, that God is not too concerned about your comfort, but He is most concerned about Your Victory. There are times we need to take a stand against the storms. Sometimes we take a hitting, we fall down and bruise a elbow. But it would not go over us, it would not sweep us away. Victory is ours, and after it has passed, the glorious award awaits us.

Daddy God has allowed these things to be set into motion, because we are taking back authority and land like what TD Jakes says "You'll learn more from your enemies than from your friends".

Am I still insecure? Yes, every time I do not magnify Jesus but magnify the circumstance.